Okay, so yesterday my Scanner got down flat-dead. After more than 10 years of loyal service, I cannot be too angry. But it was a shock, I need that scanner every day for my work.
I found a replacement on Ebay the same day, paid it and now hope, that I will get it very soon and that it works properly.
Until then, the drawings will pile up next to the computer awaiting to be scanned.
Getting a new car will not be as easy as getting a new scanner. Especially, it won't be as cheap. To be honest, I just can't afford a new vehicle. Not even one of those 1200 Euro Clunkers, that will last 2 weeks before they need a 5000 Euro Repairing.
I just can't.
I currently study those offers which say that you can pay monthly, even without a first deposit. Two problems with that: For one, I hate the thought of getting involved into a credit of whatever sort. I was always happy that I didn't have a current credit to pay off. Secondly, It is more than unsure if I will get any credit, looking at my thin income.
So now, we get slowly out of all sorts of stuff, including Cat-Food.
Usually, the Neighbor Lady (the nice one) took us with her in her car when ours was out of service. She is of course willing to do it again, but right now, she fears too much to drive because of snow and ice. Well, actually, the streets are not
as bad as that. I, would drive, if I had a car.
But I can understand her: Not 2 weeks ago, she had a pretty nasty car-accident on ice herself and is somehow traumatized. I respect her fears and can fully understand them.
I found out, that there is a Bus once a week, that will travel to town, and then back after 2 hours. Next is tomorrow morning. So my mom and I will take all the bags we can carry, catch that Bus and go shopping for the most needed this way.
As for today, I did two things for the first time again, after Gribis death: taking my medics and listening to music. Taking my medics was impossible, since I always took them at the same occasion when I gave Gribi his ones. It was just too awful to take my medics alone. So I didn't. But now I had to, because the lack of especially the heart-Medics began to do me no good.
Listening to Music while drawing was also impossible. It was too much a "return to normal" and that makes me feel guilty. Another painful thing: When I am drawing, I naturally have sort of, well, "pulses of joy" I dunno how to describe it, a sudden stream of happiness that goes trough me. They came today too, and was followed of utter feelings of guilt and dirt, because of feeling good, despite of Gribis Absence.
I am still not able to permit any feeling of Good. I can't and - don't want - to enjoy anything positive, not my art, not music, not JFK, not the slightest little detail that made my days bright.
Follow up: Neighbor Lady just knocked at our window, telling us, that she will drive us o the Shopping mall in 15 minutes. Okaaaay....No Bus tomorrow.