mardi, mars 30, 2010


Ha, I got the barbed Wire on Ebay!
Sounds weird to find this kind of stuff on an online auction platform, but I had no choice. Since I have no car at the moment and Garden-Shops are miles away, I had to find a way to get some wire by  another way than just driving to the next Garden Center and pick up some.
My first search on Ebay didn't yield anything, but I saved the search. For a couple of weeks, only results about War-Books were mailed to me. But a few days ago, someone really sold "100 Meters of Barbed Wire", for only 9 Euros. Even with the shipping which made 16 Euros it's far cheaper than what you would pay on a regular shop - where 100 Meters are about 50 - 60 Euros.

I guess the idea of buying barbed wire on Ebay is so odd that nobody else had it and therefore,  I was the only bidder. Having the stuff shipped to me solves a big headache. Now, all I have to get is three additional extra strong poles for the fence corner and the entry. Will buy them in Basel.

I worked a lot in the garden and it starts to look good. The red fruit bushes are about to grow their leaves and the strawberry plants are bigger each day. So sad that a new cold is announced for the next days. Hope my little Spring Flowers at the house wall will not perish. On the photo below, you can also see the little Forsythia in her first Blossom.

lundi, mars 29, 2010

Get lost!

Jack is not more aggressive than the next man - even less - but when you are constantly persecuted by a beast that doesn't want to understand that you are NOT his diner, then even he loses his temper and gets nasty.
There I am at Scene of the film I really looked forward to to.

Worked a lot in the Garden this Morning. I planted the poles for the fence on the front side, where the ground is hard and stony. But the ongoing rain of the last days softened it, so I was able to hammer them poles in deeply. I am bidding on 100Meters of barbed wire on Ebay - keep your fingers crossed that I will win it.

samedi, mars 27, 2010

Fonts and Drawings

This night, like every year in the season, we will loose an hour to this stupid and useless thing called Daylight saving time.

I will not start to rant about that, for I would not finish before the end of DST in autumn.

Since it is rainy outside, I spent more time in the house, working on my actual projects. I got a lot of work done, on the films, but also on the Europareise Book.

Here, I am still not sure if I am on the right way. I use a somehow "handwriting font" for the text, for it fits more an illustrated Storybook (in my opinion).
But in the other hand, I fear that this way (the font an the huge amount of illustrations) will let it appear too much as a "children's book" -  keeping adults from reading it.

I have this problem anyway: People always tend to think that I am doing Drawings and books for children. This is in no way the case. Children usually even aren't very attracted from my drawings.
So I am insecure which way I finally should go. If I take an normal Book Font, it looks odd in my eyes, for there are too many illustrations then.

vendredi, mars 26, 2010

Project52 - 12 Relatives

What a coincidence. Diana made an entry about my brother Bobby and this weeks Project 52 theme is "relatives".
I will take the opportunity to talk about another brother of mine: Joseph Patrick Junior, or simply: JOE.

It is amazing how few people actually are aware of Joe's existence. Apparently, Mario Puzzo wrote a book entitled "the fourth Kennedy" which is about a fictive fourth brother. Ahm, well, we actually  were 4 brothers, (Joe, me, Bobby and Ted) so normally,  a fictive one would be "the fifth Kennedy".
Even a lot other people who claim to have studied my life are not aware of Joe's existence.

This is really odd, because when you study, especially my childhood and youth, Joe can hardly be bypassed.
Joe was my older brother and the first born child of our parents. Joe was strong, healthy, brisk, very intelligent and determined to be first one any time and everywhere. The perfect son of his daddy who didn't hope for anything other than a son like this.
Me, well, I was not so healthy, not so intelligent and not so strong like Joe. Joe loved to fight and was very aggressive toward me during my childhood; He permanently challenged me into fights and matches I never could win. I was spanked by him and beaten so often, that it almost killed me. He was my fathers favorite son and destined to become a hero, make an amazing career and yes, become President of the United States.
During WW2, Joe was a volunteer for a risky mission: Flying a plane full of explosives into that German base at the French Coast, where the terrible V2 missiles were kept. Something went wrong and instead of jumping of in the last minute, the Plane exploded with Joe on board.

My Father got the news, prohibited us from crying and then locked himself in a room where he could cry alone. After this, I had to live Joe's life and achieve all the things, Joe was originally planned to do. It was not easy. Try to live the life of another and in the same time, trying to live MY life and MY dreams. 
I wonder how many people actually connect with Joe Kennedy Junior. Probably a lot less than those who do with me or Bobby or even Ted.

Diana once did have a Dream with him : Joe was very bitter and said to her that in the Kennedy Family, the oldest child was assigned to educate the younger siblings and since he was the oldest, he somehow had the burden of responsibility for the rest of us. He said to her that he was simply overchallenged by this responsibility and since I wasn't an easy child, he reacted with violence when he was at wits end. All while I had halfway the opportunity to find my own ways during my life, he never had this chance and did what others expected from him, until his early death. So he feels quite screwed.

Its not easy for me, too. I somehow made Joe responsible for me having to live in his shadow, for the fact that my parents preferred him over me and for all the violence I suffered from him. In the other hand, I also love and admire him and I feel sorry that his life was pretty much wasted, at the very end.

Relatives: You can't choose them, unlike friends.

This is Joe:

mercredi, mars 24, 2010


Some of you may remember the accident with the big stone and the Forsithya, back in May 2009.
Back then, the Neighbor Mr. Whitebeard said that it will grow again. Well, he was right. It grew again and this year, is about to bloom:

It bloom for the first time. Yay!

Not too long ago, all was covered with snows, and today, the first Tulip bloomed as well:

It is so lovely to have Spring finally come.

mardi, mars 23, 2010

Bobby Kennedy

After President Snows Entry about Bobby, I felt like trying to put down some thoughts about John F.'s Brother myself.
It is not easy, because Bobby is an entity that is somehow difficult for me to "get". Hard to put it into words.

I admit that, compared to the importance that Robert Kennedy had in the life of JFK, I portray him very little. He had a short appearance in the JFK Album "Horses o Narragansett", see picture to he right.

He also played a major Role in an online Court Story (in German)
Der Dreierbande-Prozess (I recommend the reading, it raises an interesting, ethical question. For those who aren't familiar with the background, read this first.)

In my case, there are always three aspects on how I approach the Kennedy Clan ; The creative-artistic view, the spiritual and the historical view. These three being closely bound together, with no clear frontiers.

From the artistic view, Bobby is extremely interesting. He is easy to draw (much more than Jack) and provides an excellent character to illustrate John F's deep bond to his family, a bond that isn't that unproblematic, for Jack has been searching to be independent from the clan, finding his own identity, all while he stays deeply connected with his siblings.

Bobby, in the other hand, didn't seem to yearn for more freedom and will stick around John, as much as he can. All while John broke with a lot of the family traditions, Bobby would bear and accept them, even if he isn't happy with it.
Bobby also provides an excellent counterpart to John F': They both have, basically, similar personalities, but live them in totally different ways. Unlike Jack, Bobby can dedicate himself entirely to a cause, even to a point where he goes too far.
Jack has this distant view on the world, a distance that some would interpret as a little bit cold attitude, all while Bobby is plainly involved in all that is going on, in his time and world.

Jack had the habit to tease Bobby on more than one occasion. Bobby didn't return it, as far as I know. He preferred to let it out on younger Brother Edward, when he was too frustrated.
I guess that Bobby loved Jack a little more than Jack loved Bobby, or perhaps more correctly, he depended more on him.
This permanent tension between the brothers, the ever-present atmosphere of an almost incestuous love makes out of Bobby a great asset to the JFK Story Universe. So it is indeed strange that I did not use him more often, yet.

There we come to the second aspect, the spiritual one. In order to get creative with a historical figure, I have to "connect" with him / her, when it is a main character. (Of course, I don't have to connect with people like Johnson who, anyhow, have minor roles).
I had only a very few dreams about Bobby in all these years that I am now involved with JFK.
The dreams I had, were dark and mysterious and raised more questions about Bobby than they answered. So there is some kind of "fear" to translate the figure into stories, for I feel that he is not ready to open himself for me. Sounds strange, I know, I can't explain it otherwise.

The historical aspect at last, doesn't add much to a better understanding. I know the all-known facts of course and the additional rumors, too. As every Kennedy researcher, I learned to separate the  countless Trash and obvious Bullshit out there from the historical halfway proven or at least plausible facts and stories.
Still, there's something "dark" around Bobby. Every time I read about some obscure things in the given timeframe, I can be sure that the name of Robert Kennedy is not far.

I really don't want to throw any dirt on him. Let's just say that he is still a stranger for me (a fascinating stranger).
I know a lot of people who were and are far more attracted by Bobby than by JFK. This is perfectly okay for me. I will probably do more Bobby art in the future and approach myself to him as far as it is possible.

dimanche, mars 21, 2010

Ostara Night with JFK

Oh, what a night!
Remember when I wrote about a special Dream I had during the Imbolc Night, where JFK promised me that we will take this even farther, soon ? Well, yesterday night, he kept that promise.

Again, I will not go into details, it's really too personal and revealing it would be a sort of treason. I'll just say, that this sort of experiences make me utterly happy.

It looks like the nights around the pagan festivals of the year are special and help both, those who dwell here and those in the otherworld, to connect. Can't wait for Beltane night, Dearest ! ;-)

The weather outside got wet, windy and colder. But I had the opportunity to achieve a lot of garden work, tough. And I will go on during  the coming week.

This is Gribis Grave with the newly planted roses:

Still miss him so very, very much. 

samedi, mars 20, 2010

Alban Eilir Ostara

A blessed Alban Eilir or Ostara to all of you. May the festival of the Birds and Rabbits be the beginning of a beautiful Spring, with lots of delights.

...And if you happen to live on the southern hemisphere, I wish you a blessed Alban Elved or Mabon!

Project52-11 Coffee Time

Did you notice that, whenever some male orders a coffee in a movie, he always insists it may be "black" without sugar or milk?   Sometimes he even says "real black please", or " blacker than black".
A typical, silly pose of those wannabe-Machos, who desperately try to appear "tough".

The refined  Gentlemen, of course, drinks TEA. And if he takes a coffee, then it will be with enough cream and sugar to make that shit somehow tasty.
I won my first Elections for state-representative by holding Tea-Parties.
Nixon probably drank a lot of Coffee, that's why he lost. No one really likes excessive Coffee Drinkers. There's always an atmosphere of stress surrounding them. No one likes stressed Presidents, especially in Cold War times.

Diana drinks one coffee in the morning. Well, I  am not sure if I should call this obscure powder she puts into her mug, in order to create some instant "Cappuccino",  a coffee. I watch very carefully over her nutrition habits and I can't say I approve the use of overly processed products that barely reveal their original composition.
But since it is only one cup a day, I let her get away with it. No use to be too severe. I try to educate her by inviting her to consume the good things, not by prohibiting the bad ones. That was always my philosophy, in all matters.

mercredi, mars 17, 2010

Back to the garden.

Finally the days get warmer and I am back in the garden.  I started to build the fence. I use the things I find in the barn, for I can't go to specialized stores without a car...

Here you can see lots of  Earth piles made by moles in the background of the fence...
Honestly. I don't have anything against moles. I know that they eat the white grubs which are a real pest over here. But they also eat the regular worms and they destroy plantations with their tunnels. This year,  the population is so dense that I can't bear it anymore. I asked the nice neighbor, to whom I will give the code name "Mr. Whitebeard" in this Blog, to set up Mole traps in my garden. I hate to do this, but they are really too much.

I also planted Roses around Gribis Grave. When alive, Gribi liked so very much to sleep at the foot of our roses. So I think, he will like it.

Also tried to tie down my big blackberry plant. Well, I tried. This monster has grown canes of 3 and more meters long and attempts to attack the Raspberries in the neighborhood. So I dressed up poles tied together with wire on which I tied the canes of the Beast.
But I love this brute. It yielded so much Blackberries last year and will yield even more this year, if the weather is halfway good.
Yay for the new garden season!

samedi, mars 13, 2010

Project52-10 Caught in the act

Crap! I thought I was silent when sneaking to the fridge...

vendredi, mars 12, 2010

Where's Spring?

Endless winter. - 8 degrees this night, frozen ice and snow on the roads. This poor Blackbird sat on our Magnolia Tree, dreaming of the day when it will bloom. Will it ever ?
Past nights,  I had a dream of Cernunnos growing from a little child to a Boy with bigger antlers - I take it as promise that Spring will come, that growth can't be stopped, despite of all the cold.

But this endless winter surely begins to suck. It has its good sides, nevertheless : Many insects will be killed in the ground, resulting in less pests in coming summer.

This Tulip wanted to come out for spring and was caught by snow. There are a lot of them around the house.

View from our backyard this morning. Snow everywhere!

I want to go out gardening, I want to go out cycling. Make it Spring. NOW!

Meanwhile, I am working at home, still on my projects. Scene 49 of la Bête des Vosges is almost finished! At least, this one advances very well.

mardi, mars 09, 2010

Dark memories

Everybody is talking of the several cases of Child abuse in catholic  and non-catholic schools back in the 70ties and 80ties.
For some reason, I tend to be amazed that this comes as a "revelation".
I somehow was convinced that this was the "normal" education style back then. Because the whole subject triggers bad memories in me, as well.
I grew up at my grand parents. When I was in the Kindergarten, my Grandma had a deep wish to get our apartment fixed and for this, she wanted to get back to her work as Nurse in a psychiatric clinic just for tree months, in order to gain the money required for the project.
Therefore she put me into a "daycare house" where Kids were kept in the time between the morning and the afternoon at the Kindergarten and where they got to eat at noon.

Well, what shall I say?
Except from beating and sexual abuse we were subject of  pretty much every mistreating  you can imagine, both physically and psychically.  Our "supervising person", a Woman with heavy glasses who obviously had her professional formation in some torture camp in Chile or what the fucking else, obviously enjoyed to make us suffer. She was the regular, old school sadist.

I best remember the day we got Leek soup. I hated Leek back then and wasn't able to swallow as much as a spoonfull of it. She then locked me up in a dark room with the plate and said that she won't let me out until I eat this shit. I couldn't. After some time she came in and force-fed me with it. I puked it out and she forced me to eat what went on the floor.

Like every child that gets abused outside his family, I wasn't able to talk about my problem at home, for I thought it was my fault anyway and I didn't want my grandma to abandon her project just because of me.
So I even had to go into a "vacation camp" organized by this "daycare home". There, we were now under the total power of the torture-Lady, day and night. Hours locked up in dark rooms the day and hours of standing barefoot in the cold corridor at night for having talked to roomates. The classics, you see.

The Lady had an odd obsession. She absolutley didn't want that Girls and Boys played together. Boys and Girls shared the same Bedroom and dining room, but were not allowed to play together on the garden yard. So the Girls had to stay on the lawn and the boys were sent in sort of an earth trench some meters away. I found that the lawn was terribly boring and my best friends among the inmates were boys, so I got down into the trench, when she didn't look. One day she caught me. I was good for the dark room again and had do walk in circle. She would come every five minutes to see, if I was still walking in circles.
After a week, 2 boys and me were so much traumatized that we ran away. We made it to the village and were picked up by police. That was when the Grand Parents finally heard the truth. I did not had to return into that "daycare" house again.

Years later, when I lived in Geneva at my mom, I had to go again to Foster care families for my mom could not come home to prepare meal for me, so between morning and afternoon school I had to eat at such families. I will spare you the details. Just two things: ALL those families were approved by the Children and family Court Advisory Service. And all (from one exception) were a bunch of sick and perverted Jerks, who made this "service" because they had someone to mistreat and get paid for it. In one family, I was even good for sexual abuse by the 18 year old son of the house.
Again, stupid Kid as I was, I never said a thing to my mom, I didn't want to cause her pain.

I might be generalizing: But to me, it is obvious that in most of the cases, the motivation of people who want to "work with children" other than their own,  have unclean motives in a way or another. And the more a child is under the control of  the "care taker" the more he/ she is likely to become a victim of sadism and abuse.
I am pretty much convinced that the victims who talk today, revealing all those scandals, are just the tip of the iceberg, because most of us out of this generation have experienced similar things, unless they were so lucky that they never had to go into foreign care.
We live with the memories and accepted them. It is a twisted feeling to have all this crap coming back to my mind.

lundi, mars 08, 2010

Project52-9 On an Axe

Theme of issue 9 of Project 52 was "Auf Achse".
Poor Diana didn't really know how to translate that. Fortunately, I was there to help. Since my famed speech in Berlin, everybody knows that I am perfectly bilingual English-German!  Therefore, I knew that "Auf Achse" means: "on an Axe".

Well, I admit that it is a rather odd premise. But okay, I was ready to play the game and sat on the top of our house-axe. Yes, that legendary thing Diana cut the 10 stères with.

I really don't know what to say more about it. It's an axe. Sitting on it is not very comfortable. I prefer my rocking chair. Hopefully next week's theme will make a bit more sense.

samedi, mars 06, 2010

Happy 101

I am back from my monthly trip to Basel. It was by train this time . Lot of more stress than usual, but I made it and have now what I need for some time.

Snow and cold had returned. No use to say how much this annoys me. Hey, Gods ! Its spring time!

Dear Sefarina tagged me for this Award-Meme:

Da rulez:

* Name 10 things that make you happy
*Give out that award to 10 other bloggers ( I don't think I can scratch together 10...)

What makes me happy

* To draw
* JFK (of course)
* My Garden
* My Cats
* The Music that Wolfgang Mittendorfer creates for my Film.
* My successful Weight Loss.
* A warm summer night.
* The scent of a forest at Fall
* Fall Leaves
* Pumpkins

Okay, I therefore nominee:

* President Snow, a fellow JFK Lover to whom I wish she will be happy again, soon.
* Senpai other fellow JFK Lover and fellow Vosgian Resident.
* Caroona mostly kills memes, but hey! She's one of my oldest Net-Friends and fellow veteran of our days as rampaging Message-borad troll.
* Geier Fellow artist who has always a good idea / advice when it comes to improve my work.
* Weidenfrau. Talented and sensitive Woman with a beautiful mind.
* Petit Alain who has always something to say.
* Feronia, Down-under Woman of dark and yellow woods.
* Bodecea Who shares her dreams as well as her struggles and therefore is so inspiring.
Mauser*Girl Dog and history expert and great artist!
*Magaly Lovely Caribean Witch in College

As always, I am in no way offended, if the nominees don't feel like participating. It's just some silly fun stuff, nothing more. :-)

mardi, mars 02, 2010

Making of "Suzanne" part 4

The Picture is finished. I kept the whole thing in that surreal light that may not only dwell in the words of the song but also in the memories of times long time passed. I lived the second half of the sixties as a  little child and all my memories back from them seem to be made of these colors and within this light.