lundi, mai 31, 2010

Hope without Illusions

This morning, my mom called the mayor and asked him for an audience at his office. She went there and told him what happened on May 29 and about all the destructive  impact it had.

The Mayor said that he will immediately call the police and write three letters, one for the household-Father of the asshole neighbors and each a one to the hooning sons, ordering them to come to his office. Mom asked if she could attend this meeting, but the mayor replied that no, better not, because what he wants to tell them "is better said without a lady's presence".

Police once again and a visit to get yelled at - serves them well.
It may calm them down for another couple of weeks.
It changes nothing on my decision, though.
It may just give us enough time to breathe so we can look for a new home without a hurry (and therefore taking the risk to go for a lesser good solution.)

Thing is, I know that any relief won't last. These people are used to police. You and I may feel uncomfortable when involved with cops, even a harmless control on the highway doesn't really let us feel good. But this gang has no problem when it comes to deal with any legal force that is after them. It only makes them more accustomed with it.

samedi, mai 29, 2010

Dead end road

Today was supposed to be such a fine day. JFK's birthday - with all what is attached to it, flowers, a good chowder meal, candles, decent music, sunshine and so on.

Well, it was just hell. The hooners passed the whole day on, with several "invited", additional ones, forming a real gang of more than 6 motorcyclers. 2 hours later I had a total breakdown. It has gotten worse these past days and therefore, I wrote a very friendly letter to the asshole neighbors, pleading them to understand how I suffer from their "hobby" - and this was the response. Fuck!

There is no solution to this. I really tried everything. My mom will go to the mayor on Monday, telling him what happened. She can do so, but I am without any illusion. Any action taken only has en effect for a few weeks  maximum. Then all starts over again, even worse. I live in constant fear, tension and stress. The Weekend are like dark holes of terror for me. But then - it even goes on during the week, since the main hooner obviously lost his job and now has time to do it all day.

So I took a decision. I will sell this house and buy another one, one that is NOT at the board of a road, but isolated and lost somewhere in a remote place. I do not care if it will have absolutely no comfort. If we have to shit in buckets again and theres no kitchen sink or anything, I just want PEACE. Because this situation kills me. I want to live again, without this problem being the first and the last thing in my mind every day.

Until then, I will go and live in the apartment in Basel. It breaks my heart to abandon my garden only to lock myself in a tiny apartment during summer, but it's this or I will break deep inside.
First thing that has to be realized before all, is the inheritance. I need a car (or we can't visit potential new houses) and I need some bucks to install a computer in Basel, in order to get on with my work.

As for the Project of my Room, it will die, of course.
I will pay out the worker for the window and then - the new owner shall finish that room. Here also, it is hard to give up a project that meant so much to me, but it has no future. The best room isn't of any use, if I have to suffer from this terror.

The biggest issue of course, will be to find a buyer for this house.
There are a lot of houses for sale here (two in our street) and there's no buyer in sight. And these houses are a lot bigger and more comfortable than mine. But well, maybe, they are too nice. People who can afford such decent villas probably don't want to live in a flat like this with not the slightest shop or even a normal post office. In the other hand, people who can just barely afford a house will be fine with mine, since it will be cheap but you can live in it without being obligated to make real big repairs,  like a new roof or something.
I dunno. First thing I will do is ask our wall-to-wall neighbor if maybe he's interested. He's a regular Socio-phobic and always was grateful about the fact that we were decent and discrete, non-invasive neighbors. He may buy our house just to prevent the risk of having some bothersome jerk moving in.

Next issue is then, to find another house for the few bucks we'll  get for ours. I am currently investigating where are the cheapest house-prices in France. My mom hopes to move more into the south as she finds herself a bit suffering from the long, icy vosgian Winters. It's okay for me. Tough it worries me a bit to leave central european forests with the typical autumns, well, as I said, if I have to shit in the sand and wipe my ass with some cactus, its still better than to endure this terror.

Again, its really hard to abandon all what we built here within 11 years. The big magnolia, the berry-grove. I lived here longer than on any other place during my life. Just to restart from total zero in a house that probably will be not more than a pile of stones. But at least, it is some goal I can achieve, by fighting and working. The current situation here is out my control. This makes it so hopeless. There's nothing I can do but suffer and hope that maybe some meteorite falls down on the asshole-neighbor house or these people getting killed all at once in a car-accident.
But even if such thing would happen, their successor can be same or worse. The real problem here is the house being so close to the street. A street that wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't misused by assholes.

So after all, maybe this JFK's day was a good one in the way that it made me make this decision.

jeudi, mai 27, 2010

First Step of new window

Early this morning, he worker came and installed the scaffholding. He didn't start the window-construction today, but said it would be next wednesday. Meanwhile, he took out some of the old furniture and mounted the scaffholding. It is a cool sight:

After the curious visual trouble I had yesterday, I felt exhaust and tired all day. My mom had called the doctor and he said that he will write a prescription for me to go to the hospital, see what happens. I didn't go yet, for hospitals piss me off. But if the symptom comes back, I'll have to. Some of you suggested it may be migraine. Well, I didn't have any headache.
I think it is die to the fact that I am in need for new reading and working glasses. I had a sharp sight all my life and was pretty appalled, when, 2 years ago, my eyes went so bad I couldn't draw and therefore had to go for a pair of reading glasses. Since a couple of months now, my sight has gone  worse again and even with my glasses on, I can barely work, because what I see constantly blurs away. Yesterday, I spent hours in drawing and then went on the computer and there the phenomenon happened. My eyes probably were over-worked. In addition to that, I have new nervous problems, due to the new Hoon activity.

I have a date at the eye-doctor June 7, so I will at least wait for my new glasses until I undertake new steps regarding this visual problem. It may be solved anyway.

mercredi, mai 26, 2010

Random things

* Dear Dryade is holding a lottery in her blog. You can win two of her self made pillows, filled with lavendar. Post a comment in her blog, deadline is friday. I would very much like to be the winner! I love pillows filled with natural stuff.

* Today, I was the winner of a contest: An art contest held by the alternative history group on DeviantArt. I won 3 months of DA-premium Membership. Yay! Only sad thing: I was the only contributor, so it's nothing I can brag with.

*20 Minutes ago, I had a sort of a "visual seizure". All of a sudden, I saw everything double and trice, lost depth in the sight and felt ill and dizzy. Symptoms passed after I laid on my bed for a moment. Never experienced that before. Pretty scary shit.

* The little lilies that grow at my house wall and that use to bloom every year right to JFK's birthday, are still not blooming yet. They are behind their schedule, due to cold. I hope they can make it until May 29 anyway....

* My dream is to find us a house in the massif central. Far away from civilisation. Wolves and vultures are there. Wonder how expensive an old, lonley farm would be.

* Worker has promised to come tomorrow for my window. I hope he will keep his promise.

lundi, mai 24, 2010

Warm days

Finally, the temperature has increased and we had some real sunny and warm days. Garden grows! I am happy the holiday-weekend is over anyway, because the asshole neighbors restarted a bit with their hooning. It was not too bad yet, but obviously, the "shock" of the mayors letter starts to loose its effect and I am afraid that within a few weeks, all will be back to the horrible "normal".

Anyway, still happy about the sunny weather.
We are now entering in the last week before JFK's birthday (May 29) and I am already looking forward for it. We will eat New England Chowder in his honor, light a candle and try to have a real good day. From his birthday, it will be exactly 22 days until Summer solstice. And after November 22, there are 28 days until winter solstice. One day more and it would be a perfect match! Still, it shows a very interesting cycle.

I am starting to miss my work on the films. But I have to finish that Bear Comic first. At least, I progress very well with that.

jeudi, mai 20, 2010

Project52 -19: Zodiac Sign

The premise of this week's Project52 is simple - and difficult.
I could tell you which astrological sign I belong to, and to which one Diana does. And then post one of those typical little texts that describe our personalities according to that sign. Mostly, this description will be about the nicer characteristics, with maybe, a fews words on what may be our weak points.

I don't think you are really interested in that.
So we found us a French site, called "the devils astrology". This site reveals the worst, ugliest, most horrible and stinky aspect of each sign, in male and female version. We took all our courage together and translated some excerpts from it for you. *Shudder*

 So here we go:

Me, that's Gemini, male:

Death sin: Scorn, Curiosity, Playing games.

He's as trustworthy as quick sands. The prototype of the sincere liar, for he often believes the crap he tells. He has some talent but not the energy to achieve anything out of  it.
He's a cunning idiot who will tell you some fables about life in order to let you do stupid things that can be useful for him. He is egocentric, playful and full of curiosity.
He is a white screen on which others project their dreams and visions, so he can exploit them shamelessly. People who look at him tend to think that his strange behavior  hides some meaningful secret. The biggest mystery to discover  is the fact, that there isn't any, all while people keep on looking for one. Don't open this beautiful doll, there's nothing but straw in it !
He is full of inspirations and projects which he will never finish. Don't expect anything done from him. You will be obsessed by the desire to help him, which will destroy you. He will seduce you with his false purity. He will constantly tempt you sexually, but you can never get him. He will sleep with absolutely everybody but you and if it happens that you really can draw him into bed, he will make any effort to avoid this to happen again, but will stay near you so you can suffer by hoping and longing.
He is the one who, while walking,  will take you in his arms to save you from a dog poop, only to lead you on the banana skin a few meters ahead. And when you lie flat down with a broken leg, will take your money and run.
How can you seduce him?
Listen to the Bullshit he tells, all while looking like a complete idiot who just vomited out a tapeworm. But be credible : he's smart and will discover any comedy playing.
How to keep him:
Why should one want to keep him? He is the worst of all signs. (well, thanks...!)  Go out in the desert, without water and compass. There, die with him. He will talk the devil into giving you the hottest oven.

Okay.... that's not nice, friends. Now lets see what this mean site says about Diana.

Virgo, Female:

Death sin: Hysterical troublemaker who creates a drama out of nothing.

This naughty slut organizes her life like a supermarket. You will find something on every shelf. She will choose a man with sympathy who will listen to her complaints about her lovers she can't hold.  She will fall in a crazy love for you or a simple friendship, in order to better impose you her undesirable presence, and if you don't do whhat she wants, will send you her husband and her lovers to beat you blue and red.
She's always the one who build empires and gets her work stolen just before its finished. (...fuck, yes!)
She is very efficient, but beware of being not grateful enough! Just like Penelope, she will destroy her tapestry and burn down Moscow so you will not profit from it. (fuck, YES! But isn't that the right thing to do with ungrateful bastards???!!!)
She will overload her colleagues with work, until they prefer working on a man-o-war.
How can you seduce her?
By introducing your best friend to her. She will try him out and discover that she loves you, this way.
How can you keep her?
Cheat her. She will get aware of her mental illness. This gives her the ultimate weapon against all others.

Wow. According to this portrayal, we are both real pieces of shit. The hardest thing is, that we have to admit that, when looking at the really, really darkest side of our soul, we *may* be bad rather  in the described way, more than in an other.

mardi, mai 18, 2010

New JFK adventure started

The new JFK Comic just started at Graphic Smash. It is that Comic I wrote about here.

Every Tuesday, there will be a new page online. For those of you who prefer to read it on paper, there will be print versions, in German, English and French.

The Story isn't political correct, it is a shameless compilation of what Donna (the artist who wrote the script) and I love to draw and write about. Actually, I am still working on it, with great pleasure. Have fun!

dimanche, mai 16, 2010

End of Ice age ?

Today was the first day we had over 10 degrees again. I took the opportunity to go in the garden and work on the fence again. Unfortunately, it turned out that I didn't have enough barbed wire - I have to find me at least additional 100 Metes. Nevertheless, I could at least finish the front to the road-side.

As for the plants, they don't look as bad as I was afraid of, due to cold and rain. Of course, they didn't grow like they could have, but at least they did not rot.

If the weather gets better from now on, thee is a chance, th garden will finally start to grow.

Project52 - 19 This is my home

I have many homes; Washington, Brookline, Berlin, Dunganstown, Cape Cod - and every home of each person who holds me in her or his heart.
Soon, there will be an additional one: You may guess it, its Diana's future room. In many ways, it is a home we have to conquer first: Not only because it has to be fixed and prepared like a patch of wild land. Right now, there are other spirits dwelling there. The old lady who lived in this house before we bought it and who died, made it clear that she wasn't too happy to see us move in her home.
In the first nights, Diana had a lot of Dreams and even Visions of that Lady being very rude, asking her what she wanted here and who she was. Diana tried to explain her and also to make her understand that she should let go now.
She then quit up a bit, but still, we feel that she is somehow attached to that attic where we found her mistletoes and other magical items hanging on the main beam for years.

Its not the problem to share the room with a spirit as such. The problem is, she's still not really friendly.
Therefore, we have to convince her to move away, for this will be OUR home now.
The Room itself does have a lot of magic. It is very suited to receive any kind of spirits. Diana is looking forward for having me up there, where we probably can connect even better. Still, Old Lady will have to let us in.
On the photo, she posed me on the magical main beam where once the mistletoes hung, just to say: "now we are here and this place is ours!"

mercredi, mai 12, 2010

Horrible Lamps

Our Worker will (hopefully) come during May and make that long awaited window in my future room. I can't wait for it. Meanwhile, I am - on paper and in my mind -  starting to plan the furniture. Part of it is of course the lightening.

Browsing trough the different Shops that sell lamps, online and in RL, I became aware of the fact that there is apparently no limit on how utterly ugly a lamp can be.

Who, for the sake of the Gods, would buy this one:

I really don't want to insult anyone, we all have our tastes. If it happens that this would be the lamp of your dreams, I would gladly like to learn WHY.  I'd still never consider buying it, but learning about  your reasons will help me to improve my tolerance.

Or this one:

I can't imagine this thing in any other room than in a Chilean Torture Chamber.
This one:

Seems to be designed for paranoids who want a head-device preventing aliens being able to read their thoughts.
If you do not have a nervous depression now, you will get it when buying this one:

Okay, now after ranting so much on what other people may cherish as tasteful and nice, I will show you the lamp of my choice, the one I consider to buy. Feel free to hate it as well ;-)ères-Gouttes-d'eau-translucide-PRDm549038.html?navAction=jump&skuId=Casto549038

lundi, mai 10, 2010

A letter from my Aunt

You may remember my unexpected Inheritance thing.
I wrote that personal letter to my Grandmother and did not get any response. I thought that she still don't want to be bothered by my existence. Its okay, then she shall just pay me out my share of the inheritance.

Today, I got a letter from my Fathers sister, well, my Aunt. I was quite surprised. Because I also never met her in my whole life.

She wrote me that grandmother was pleased to read my letter but could not write back, for her fingers are stiff from Rheumatics. So she took the job. She also wrote that the whole family, my Grandma, my uncle and herself would like to meet me, when I am in Basel next time. She also joined two photographs of her.

It is difficult to describe the feelings I had, reading this letter. I mean, this is my aunt whom I see for the very first time on a photograph and whose eyes look like mine.  She wrote that she didn't even know she had a niece. So all these years, My grand parents didn't tell her that  her elder brother had a daughter? Oh my...
My aunt was just about 10, when my mom and my father got married. She recalls my mom, tough. She wrote that she "still remembers the dark haired, beautiful woman" my mom was at that time.

So now, I will very probably meet my paternal family, next time I am in Basel (June). There is a mix of joy and fear. Joy, because My aunts letter was nice, her photos show a nice woman and I like the thought of having a decent relative. Fear, because I know absolutely nothing about these people.
Also what will they expect on how I am and how I look? My father was very handsome and my mom an almost famed beauty back then (she posed for art photographers) and well, all what these two beautiful people got as offspring, was me.
There are a lot of thoughts and emotions swirling inside me. Maybe I shouldn't have written that letter. Let the whole thing sleep. In the other hand, it is so exciting to somehow go back 44 years in time, back to the crossroad where we lost our paths.

dimanche, mai 09, 2010

Project18 - Test of courage

No, I don't cooperate. Sorry, Diana. 

She had some weird ideas for me to pass this "test of courage" - premise of this weeks Project 52:

*Browse an hour trough violet-haired-Manga-Anime-Girls, sexy-furry Characters and cute-Nazis Galleries on DeviantArt.
* Watch "Germanys Next Top-Model" all while looking Heidi Klum deep in the eyes.
* Walk in the streets of a Banlieue near Paris, disguised as woman (and showing my hair).
* Tell a Pit-Bull Lover that I don't like his animal. (The dog probably won't harm me, but the owner certainly will)
* Attend a KKK-Meeting, wearing a pro-Obama Shirt.
* Perform a blood-brother Ritual with a gay heroine-addict.
* Try to smuggle a hidden  alarm-clock trough israeli Border.
* Start to grope my shoes all while on board of a transatlantic flight.

That's all bullshit. I was on PT109, I met Eleanor Roosevelt and I was in Dallas. When it comes to courage, I have nothing to prove! Okay?!!

vendredi, mai 07, 2010

My illegal Jeans

I have several pair of Jeans. When I was much overweighted, I didn't wear them, because it looked gross and I found none in my size anyway. Now, thin again, I love to wear them again.
But guess what? They're illegal. By wearing them, I violate a French law that says: "Women aren't allowed to wear pants, with the exception when riding a bicycle or a horse".  The law is from 1909 - but still in effect, today! Just nobody cares about it, anymore. Now, French parliament suggest to abolish this law. Good, my jeans will become legal stuff.


mercredi, mai 05, 2010

Picking up an old project.

*Sigh* I am out of tracing paper. This means that I can't go on with the films. My mom is in Basel and will buy new one, but she won't be home before Friday.  So what to do until then?
Well, I decided that it is definitely the occasion to finally finish a project I started 3 years ago. (3 years! I could'nt believe it myself, when I saw it!) It is the Comic Script Donna Barr wrote for me, "HARD TO BEAR", involving her characters as well as mine. A cross-over if you want. I did the first 5 pages and then was so much  overwhelmed by the Film Projects that this one went on hiatus. The fact that I decided to stop drawing comics at all, was also a point.

But now, I am decided to finish this Story. It is worth being achieved. I put the Films on hiatus for one or two weeks and just draw that script. It will be my very last Story in Comic Form.

Then I will probably publish it on Graphic Smash. A week ago, I realized that I haven't been logged on GS for an eternity, too. So I did. I was surprised to see that my logging data still works. A lot of comments were waiting to be approved, many of them being thoughtful and real flattering words. I hate myself for not having published and responded to them sooner. To be honest, I just didn't believe that anybody would look at these comics at last. I got very few feedback all this time, so that I sort of gave up my efforts.
Well, I will try to restart my GS-Presence. Until I can start the "Hard to bear" story, I will post some Antique White House Artwork.
If you are interested, check this site, every Tuesday.

mardi, mai 04, 2010

The right for self-humilation

There is barely another subject in France  that is discussed this long and this passionate like the intent to ban Burkas and Niqabs -  you know, those islamic veils that covers the woman in the whole, just sparing her eyes.

All while we are still discussing, Belgium now made the step and voted for the ban.
In France, the debate is mainly centered on how such a ban can be justified, with as less as possible risk to get sued at the european court for human rights .

There are two main ways of approach:   
*First says that for security reasons, every person moving in public space should be identifiable.
*Second says that the total veiling is against the principles of human dignity, in this case, the dignity of women.

The first argument would probably be safer regarding the human rights court. Second approach is more honest, for everybody actually knows that this is the main and true reason for the ban.

The question has been asked, whether or not a person can, using her personal freedom, agree to "cast away her dignity". 
The answer seems to be clearly yes. There are a lot of examples. Especially on TV: 
Families "swapping" their wives, divorces in front of the cameras, wannabe-starlets who eat worms in "jungle-camps", filthy, alcohol drinking assholes complaining that they don't get enough social welfare to buy cigarettes definitely don't meet my idea of dignity. 

During the debate in France, a minister suggested that Dwarf-tossing has already been banned for this reason. The dwarves weren't forced to be part of these shows, they did it for money and were fully consenting. It was banned anyway, with the argument that the higher idea of human dignity weighs more than personal freedom. Should we also ban said TV-Shows then?

There is of course a subtle difference between the dwarves and the veiled woman at one side and the "Reality-TV" - Idiots on the other side. The latter commit their potential self-humiliation only in their own name, as  individuals. 
Dwarves are tossed, because they are dwarves. The individual is not relevant,  what automatically says that a dwarf is per se a being that can be used as a toy. Veiled Women are so, because they are women, which says that women should be veiled, because there's something wrong with her bare sight. 
Even more than with the dwaves, the de-personalization and loss of identity is wanted. The infraction against dignity hence lies in the messages, not in the act itself. 
This is probably why Presient Sarkozy said he prefers the "dignity" idea as justification for the ban in spite of the fact that it is much more risky to go that way.
Anyway, I doubt that the ban will result in much more than maybe some Islamic Protesting-marches and a few terror attacks against French institutions. 
And it will probably not pass the human rights court. This  may be formally right, but it still remains very cynical to fight for Burkas in the name of human rights. Because, aside of a view nutty converted western women who may really wear it by own will and a majority of immigrant women who do it because they never knew a real alternative, Burkas are above all, a cruel way of oppressing women. I'd hate to see it legitimated by a "human right court". Also, it will raise a false solidarity with fundamentalist Islam, making more and more these Veils a symbol against intolerance. (sic!)

Bullets from the sky.

Yesterday I was thinking that all is going so well in the garden that I could dare to plant some of the pumpkin plants outside. Of course, I would keep the others until the risk of frost has passed. Mrs. Whitebeard, our Neighbor, had the same thought and so we went in the gardens yesterday morning to bring in a little choice out from our big houseyard-farms into earth.  As soon as we went home - a big and violent hailstorm arrived!

What a mess! 
See those white bullets within the roses! I was pretty shocked. The outside Pumpkin plants have some holes in their leaves, but I think that they will made it anyway. At least, I hope. Now a really cold wind blows, there's not the slightest idea of spring anymore and I admit, that I am pretty pissed of. All the berry plants and bushes bloom and I am afraid that they will not evolve further with that nasty weather. After all the care and work I putted into them, Its appalling to see how the cold throw the efforts back. Where's global warming when you need it?
We will see.

I didn't  had a special dream with JFK the Beltane night, - I had it yesterday night! So my hopes *did* came true,  - - just with a little delay. Still, very delighted and happy about it! So much inspiration, and emotional fulfillment.

dimanche, mai 02, 2010

Random thoughts

Beltane was beautiful and peaceful. Unfortunately we had rain all day, so the plan to light a fire outside and having our holiday dinner grilled, wasn't realized. But passing Beltane inside was good, too.
Speaking of peaceful Beltane, I am always saddened by the fact that for a lot of people First of may isn't apparently nothing other than a day to rampage in the street.

The day before, Our worker came and said that he will go on making the Window for my future room during May. This is a good promise and I am looking so much forward for it.

The garden is a delight right now. The rain didn't came too late. Earth was very dry. Now everything blooms and grows. The pumpkins I raise wait to be planted in the garden. You can almost feel their impatience, they are huge and almost explode out of their pots. Problem is, you never know if there will be frost during may. So I will wait at least until May 15.