jeudi, mai 20, 2010

Project52 -19: Zodiac Sign

The premise of this week's Project52 is simple - and difficult.
I could tell you which astrological sign I belong to, and to which one Diana does. And then post one of those typical little texts that describe our personalities according to that sign. Mostly, this description will be about the nicer characteristics, with maybe, a fews words on what may be our weak points.

I don't think you are really interested in that.
So we found us a French site, called "the devils astrology". This site reveals the worst, ugliest, most horrible and stinky aspect of each sign, in male and female version. We took all our courage together and translated some excerpts from it for you. *Shudder*

 So here we go:

Me, that's Gemini, male:

Death sin: Scorn, Curiosity, Playing games.

He's as trustworthy as quick sands. The prototype of the sincere liar, for he often believes the crap he tells. He has some talent but not the energy to achieve anything out of  it.
He's a cunning idiot who will tell you some fables about life in order to let you do stupid things that can be useful for him. He is egocentric, playful and full of curiosity.
He is a white screen on which others project their dreams and visions, so he can exploit them shamelessly. People who look at him tend to think that his strange behavior  hides some meaningful secret. The biggest mystery to discover  is the fact, that there isn't any, all while people keep on looking for one. Don't open this beautiful doll, there's nothing but straw in it !
He is full of inspirations and projects which he will never finish. Don't expect anything done from him. You will be obsessed by the desire to help him, which will destroy you. He will seduce you with his false purity. He will constantly tempt you sexually, but you can never get him. He will sleep with absolutely everybody but you and if it happens that you really can draw him into bed, he will make any effort to avoid this to happen again, but will stay near you so you can suffer by hoping and longing.
He is the one who, while walking,  will take you in his arms to save you from a dog poop, only to lead you on the banana skin a few meters ahead. And when you lie flat down with a broken leg, will take your money and run.
How can you seduce him?
Listen to the Bullshit he tells, all while looking like a complete idiot who just vomited out a tapeworm. But be credible : he's smart and will discover any comedy playing.
How to keep him:
Why should one want to keep him? He is the worst of all signs. (well, thanks...!)  Go out in the desert, without water and compass. There, die with him. He will talk the devil into giving you the hottest oven.

Okay.... that's not nice, friends. Now lets see what this mean site says about Diana.

Virgo, Female:

Death sin: Hysterical troublemaker who creates a drama out of nothing.

This naughty slut organizes her life like a supermarket. You will find something on every shelf. She will choose a man with sympathy who will listen to her complaints about her lovers she can't hold.  She will fall in a crazy love for you or a simple friendship, in order to better impose you her undesirable presence, and if you don't do whhat she wants, will send you her husband and her lovers to beat you blue and red.
She's always the one who build empires and gets her work stolen just before its finished. (...fuck, yes!)
She is very efficient, but beware of being not grateful enough! Just like Penelope, she will destroy her tapestry and burn down Moscow so you will not profit from it. (fuck, YES! But isn't that the right thing to do with ungrateful bastards???!!!)
She will overload her colleagues with work, until they prefer working on a man-o-war.
How can you seduce her?
By introducing your best friend to her. She will try him out and discover that she loves you, this way.
How can you keep her?
Cheat her. She will get aware of her mental illness. This gives her the ultimate weapon against all others.

Wow. According to this portrayal, we are both real pieces of shit. The hardest thing is, that we have to admit that, when looking at the really, really darkest side of our soul, we *may* be bad rather  in the described way, more than in an other.

6 commentaires:

caroona a dit…

He looks so afraid to hear the terrible news. And rightly so, that was quite depressing as a personality description. What are the blankets that JFK is leaning on? Did he plan to hide underneath them?

Choosing a poseable doll was a very good idea. You really can make him express different moods which I find a bit difficult with my little elefant statue.

Feronia a dit…

Aaargh! I just read Pisces!!

Geier a dit…

>Seufz<
Soweit ich die Babelfisch-Übersetzung verstanden habe, liegen die bei mir leider garnicht so falsch...

Diana Kennedy a dit…

@Caroona, these are my favorite blankets and we both like to hide under them when the world outside is too much. You, in the other hand, do a lot more creative background work, so the fact that Ganesha isn't posable doesn't matter.

@Feronia. Yes, this Devils Astrology thing isn't for any one who looks for compliments. :-)

@Geier: was biste denn für ein Sternzeichen? Bei mir passt es leider auch, sogar besser als die üblichen, positiven Jungfrau-Beschreibungen. Bei JFK passt es wohl ebenfalls, glaubt man den negativen Meinungen über ihn.

Wir sind eben alle verdorben und mies. ;-)

Bodecea a dit…

Das Horoskop brauche ich nicht lesen - ich bin ja schon nach astro.com eine Psychopatin!

Geier a dit…

Stier - phlegmatisch, stur, verfressen, besitzergreifend + pedantisch...